What Is A Golden Shower?

by Cay L. Crow

bronze fountain statue of woman squatting and peeing with a dress on

I Peed On My Boyfriend!

Dear Cay,

I always have to pee like crazy after sex. The last time I had sex, my boyfriend followed me into the bathroom. Just as I went to sit on the toilet, he laid in the tub and said, “Stop! Come here and pee on me!” I was shocked! He seemed so excited by the idea. I told him that I could not even fathom doing such a thing. I don’t understand what I am dealing with here. It seemed to come out of the blue. If this is what he wants sexually, I don’t think I am the right person for him.

Confused girlfriend


Why People Like Golden Showers?

Dear CGF,

It sounds as if your boyfriend is curious about or likes golden showers; one way that he attains sexual satisfaction is when someone urinates on him. It is a rather common turn-on. When you think about it, the allure of urination makes sense. It combines early associations of pleasure (warmth and bladder pressure release) and the erotic appeal of the forbidden (associations with toilet training). It does not mean anything negative about your boyfriend that he asked you to pee on him. If anything, try to look at his request as an attempt at intimacy. Your boyfriend is sharing part of his fantasy life with you. He is saying, come play this game with me, and that takes tremendous courage.

The Golden Shower Fantasy

Please don’t question the entire relationship because your boyfriend has a sexual interest that does not appeal to you. I had a partner that made this request of me. At first, I was put off by it as well because I felt that urinating on him was humiliating him. But once he explained what he got out of it, I agreed to give it a shot. It took several tries but I eventually did what he requested. Even though he enjoyed the golden showers at first, he stopped asking after a while because he realized that I did not really enjoy it.

In my experience, when a man makes a sexual request of a woman, she tends to feel that she must meet that request. Women also tend to question what it means about them if they agree to the request. But the real question, CGF, is whether you want to engage in the behavior at all. It sounds as if you do not. So, all you need to do is tell him that. Here is your opportunity for you and your boyfriend to figure out what sexual practices are on or off the table. Here is an exercise for you two; each of you, separately, write down three columns. Under the first column, list sexual activities that you will do, in the second column, list activities that you are curious about and might do, and the third column, list activities that you will not do. Then you and your boyfriend compare lists and start talking.

CAY L. CROW, LPC, AASECT-CERTIFIED SEX THERAPIST

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